Today I want to talk about negative patterns of thinking , our responsibility and choices. How to change negative thinking, blocks, and limiting beliefs and be a calm and happy parent, how to break bad habits without yelling. It’s about choice, it's something I’ve been digging into this week with my own growth. It blows my mind how many choices we have. The choices that we have, that we have the opportunity to get to make, the choices that we don’t get to make, and sometimes the choices we’re procrastinating on or avoiding.
What are the choices that I’m not taking, where are the opportunities that I have, what are the choices that I’m avoiding, and what’s going on with me underneath that? If you’ve been in my space for a while you’ll know I like to dig into things.
It’s always about the thoughts, and what thoughts do we sometimes not take responsibility for. I know that if you’re in my space you’re interested in raising wholehearted children, you’re interested in becoming the very best version of yourself that you can be, and the very best parent that you can be. But how much of that actually comes down to self-awareness, and our ability to even notice what’s going on.
What I mean by this is how many times in the day do we say, “Oh, they’re really winding me up”, “Oh, this is really annoying”?
Classic…my mum this morning, my son was starting to tell jokes, we’re starting to get ready, she was starting to get a little but triggered, and said “You’re being annoying”. Now, is my son being annoying, or is my mum annoyed? I look at that and think oooh, how many times do I do that? It’s often easier to see things in other people, this is no blame or judgement on my mum, I love her deeply. When we can see it in others we can notice it in ourselves.
So the invitation for you today is this overcoming negative thoughts exercise. I invite you to think about “where am I not taking responsibility for my own thoughts, emotions and actions?”.
Because remember; thoughts drive feelings, and feelings drive behaviour. We can remove negative thoughts and replace them with a positive mindset, if we make this a practice and observe ourselves, then change our internal dialogue.
So if it all starts with a thought, nobody can think my thoughts for me. Therefore if i’m sitting here thinking that something’s annoying then it’s probably going to be annoying. Yet children or a situation can’t be annoying, all that is is a judgement that I’m putting on something based on the inherent stories and things that I’m carrying around with me, my emotional wounds, my beliefs etc. It’s easy to blame other people and I'm not trying to detract in any way because I know that there are many people that have suffered awful things, abuse and trauma and things that are not their fault and I don't want to detract from that or minimise that in any way.
However there’s also a moment in time when we have to realise, well we believed these things about ourselves to be true in the past, but yet what are we now carrying into our future. And can we change the way that we are thinking about something in order to change the way that we are feeling about something? Yes we can.
Because if I am blaming my past or the way that I was raised or the experiences that I had for what is going on in my life right now then I am choosing to live in the past. That is the choice that I am choosing to make, ultimately, and I'm bringing into the present moment right now. Like the classic this morning, “You’re being annoying”. He’s not being annoying, why is my mum annoyed..what is the thing that's going on underneath the surface? When you’re stressed, your tension is already mounting. We are creating a situation with what's going on in our heads, and that’s not even reality. We can change our limiting beliefs. We can change our thought patterns. We can choose the thoughts that drive our feeling that drive our behaviours, and that's a powerful thing. Try it today.
The "Raise a Tiger" Programme
Teaching wellbeing and confidence to parents and children aged 2-7 years, through music and FUN! No musical experience necessary.
"It's literally the best thing I have ever done with my child!" - Jordana Matsuda - Early Childhood Educator