Raising Wholehearted Children - Part Four

Welcome to Part 4 of my Raising Wholehearted Children series of blogs 🙅🔥
In this 4-part series of blogs, I have been sharing with you how I’ve learned to live deeply into my own truth and how I bring this into my parenting, so that you can raise awesome humans who are brimming with self-esteem.

As a reminder, this series is about helping you build strong and respectful relationships with your child, as well as some tips to help you raise awesome humans. If you missed any of the others and want to catch up, you can read them here. Blog 1, Blog 2 and Blog 3 are here for your pleasure.

Raising Wholehearted Children Step 4: Stop shouting start playing – Sgt Major is not a parenting style!
Today’s blog is about understanding that you have to connect with your child before you have any hope of guiding them to solutions or expecting them to respond to your requests.

As a parent, it can be really easy to fall into the habit of doling out instructions like some kind of drill sergeant and then getting annoyed when they don’t listen.

I’m going to break it down for you.

No great relationship was ever built on people ‘doing as they are told.’

Read that again.

I’m sure you may even have been in a relationship with someone who wanted to call all the shots for you and let’s face it, it probably wasn’t fun and I bet it didn’t end well.
Conscious parenting is the vague notion that children are people too and respect is a two way street.

There is no easy way to say this, but if you’re not prepared to join them in their world, then how can you truly expect them to want to join you in yours?

(And is if they could smell it, my boys just came in and asked me to play football with them, so I just took a ten minute break to play! In my house, when my kids ask me if I want to play with them, the answer is always YES! Btw, my idea of playing football does not follow the rules, ends up in lots of tickling and stupid and illegal fouls and dodgy netball shots as they know I am no good at football, they love to be better than me and I cheat loads because I'm rubbish at it. I call it Mummy’s rules, but we laugh ALOT and they always win and I always make a fool of myself. )

Sometimes when you lose, you really win.

So getting in the car with my boys is always ‘Last one in the car smells of cabbage!” And guess what, I mostly lose that one too. They’re now MUCH older, but it still works like a charm and it’s still hilarious. Getting anywhere on time when they were little used to be a Power Ranger Mission and we had to cover each other and get to the base. And never once had to say, ‘Hurry up! or shout or get cross because we were late.

For one of my super powers is dragging adults down to their children’s level and reframing stressful moments into fun, love and connection, something I do in my music sessions (Bad Wedding Dancing and my Air Guitar wokshops are personal faves!) In fact reframing pretty much anything is a skill of mine and the essence of NLP. I’m a mindset and reframe Goddess in fact and it’s why I now specifically work with parents of younger children.

Because believing that you can, really starts in early childhood and confidence starts with the little things.

So to summarise, here are some tips that you can implement right now, to connect more with your child first, so you can stop barking out orders all the time or sounding like your mother. 🙂

  • Turn stressful moments into fun. Think of a game that will unite you together and that can potentially put them in control. They LOVE that.
  • Take the time to compliment your child on what they are doing / drawing / playing before making any request to do something.
  • Make regular time (short and often is best) to engage in their world and on their terms. Yes, it may drive you insane, but that’s loads better than you going nuts because they’re ignoring you and it really helps to see this time as an investment in your relationship, not a chore. For example, if you were dating, you’d make a real effort to be interested in your partner’s life. Parenting is no different 🙂
  • Use themes of whatever they are interested in, to use as examples when explaining things or making up games, so that they are into what you are saying and get down on their level. The sillier the better.
  • Approach everything with the mind of a scientist. If things don’t work out, try not to take it personally. Parenting is freaking HARD and when we are triggered it is usually because we have either not given ourselves what we really need, or because we are reacting to someone or something in our past. Fact.

That last one is probably my favourite mindset hack of all time, simply because all kids are different (you will know this if you have more than one) and they don’t always respond to the same thing, Plus kids change over time and they can also cotton on to your little tricks, so you have to be able to be really adaptable and switch things up to connect with them as they get older. In fact you have to try even harder to connect with them when they are teenagers, so spending the time with them now whilst they are little is like putting in savings for a rainy day.

Time is a resource you will never get back.

Plus I have never met a parent who said they wished they’d spent less time with their kids when they were younger.
Like, EVER!

So get building that lego, playing with those plastic fruits and setting up shop. Get out the playdough and make poo’s with it. Dress up with them, laugh with them and enjoy the magical world that they create, for there will probably (read definitely) come a day when they will start to shut you out and you’ll wish you had. Plus connecting with them on their level is always the quickest way to create a two way street of respect and understanding, for you are in a relation’ship.’

You get to be the Captain of the ship, but only if you have taken the time to get in the boat.

Your child’s beliefs are forming right now about who they are and what they are capable of. Confidence always starts with the little things, which includes whether they think they are worthy of your time and attention.

I hope this has all been really helpful for you.

P.S. I have the most exciting pee your pants, never been made before offer to work with me that is going to blow your mind. If you want to be the first to find out AND take advantage of the ridiculous Early Bird offer then just fill in the short form from the link below

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